Creating Healthy Boundaries
Learning to set healthy boundaries is a skill that is vital to living a balanced and fulfilling life, but is oftentimes overlooked or not practiced until one has been pushed beyond a breaking point. In my experience, it was especially difficult to set boundaries as a band director, since so many different roles are expected of the position. How do I wear all these hats in a single day? Below are some practices that I found helpful in the classroom, and continue to implement in my life to this day.
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Set Availability Hours - Set specific times where you do not respond or look at messages from work. No text, no email, nothing! Do Not Disturb is a helpful tool for this.
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Schedule ‘The Work Day’ - Even if it goes beyond the school day, set a specific time in the morning and afternoon where work starts and ends. Commit to only working during the scheduled time. I highly recommend not taking work home with you.
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Avoid Being a ‘Yes’ Person - Remember ‘No.’ is a complete sentence. Learning how to use this powerful word helps you not overload yourself.
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You are Here to Help, Not be a Pushover - Being helpful and always doing what others want you to do are not the same thing. Prioritize what works best for you while still being a part of the team.
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Self-Care is NOT Selfish - Prioritizing your mental, physical, and emotional health is not a negative personality trait. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
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When You Get a Break, TAKE IT - Stop working over the holidays. Stop taking work home over the weekends. It will still be there when you return, and finishing one more task will not change that. You deserve the time off. Think long-term career, not short-term burnout.
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Communicate Your Boundaries - Let the people in your life know what is and isn’t okay when interacting with you. If someone continues to cross a line, address it quickly and respectfully so there is no question of where you stand. People cannot read your mind, so we have to create and advertise what we are comfortable with.
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Build Expectations Around Respect - We already do this in our classrooms with our students when we establish classroom management expectations, but then turn around and let the people in our lives treat us poorly, negatively, or disrespectfully. Live the example you teach to your students.
If you are brand new to this concept, I urge you to take small, decisive steps. If you are currently living with no boundaries in your life, the establishment of anything will show noticeable change. Over time, you can add more while your existing boundaries will grow stronger.
Like with any good barrier, these require regular maintenance and upkeep. Once set, if any concessions are given, the proverbial raptors will find the weakness in the electric fence. Ultimately this is about YOU deciding how you expect to be treated, and caring enough about yourself to maintain all boundaries you’ve set for yourself, whether in your personal or professional life.
Lastly, if someone reacts negatively to the new boundaries you’ve set, remember these are exactly the people who you need to have clear boundaries with. Verbal attacks, gaslighting, and guilt trips are common reactions from those who are anti-boundary. They are not really upset with you, but upset that they are not able to manipulate you in the same way they used to (while simultaneously playing the victim card or accusing you of being the bad guy). And that’s okay! At the end of the day it isn’t about them, it is about you! Invest in your continued maturity and mental well-being. Commit to your healthy boundaries. Stay strong out there!
Austin Jay
Educational Representative
3 years with Palen Music Center
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